Marquise Spinneret Mindfang

~hOT COSMO TIPS FROM THE SUMMONER~

Перевода не будет, ибо я ленивый. 

cOSMO TIP #1. jUST AS YOU ARE ABOUT TO KISS SOMEONE,

mAKE SURE YOUR HORNS GET STUCK IN THE WALL AND YOU CAN’T MOVE FOR LIKE AN HOUR,

hOT COSMO TIP #2. wHEN THE PERSON YOU ARE FLUSHED FOR MOVES IN TO GREET YOU,

sWIVEL YOUR HEAD AROUND LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO SWING A GOD DAMN BASEBALL BAT, aND HIT HER IN THE FACE, lIKE A FUCKING CHUMP,

hOT COSMO TIP #3. iF SHE IS SOMEHOW STILL ALIVE (a FUCKING MIRACLE), aND IS INVITING YOU TO ENTER HER HIVE (aN EVEN MORE MIRACULOUS MIRACLE),

eNJOY THE IMMEDIATELY SUBSEQUENT AWKWARD SILENCE THAT FOLLOWS, bECAUSE YOU CAN NOT FIT THROUGH THE GODDAMN DOORWAY,

jOVIALLY FLY BACK HOME EMITTING A GROSS MIASMA OF SEXUAL TENSION TROLL PHEREMONES, yOU BEAUTIFUL WINNER YOU,