Pony Pals: Detective Pony. Dirk Strider Version. Обложка, первые страницы и Глава 1: A Visitor.
В веб-комиксе Homestuck вот на этих страницах показаны первые несколько страниц книги, которую Дирк подарил Джейн, предварительно тщательно её подредактировав: "Pony Pals: Detective Pony". Так вот, недавно для меня стало откровением, и, я думаю, это станет им и для многих из вас, что оказывается существует полная версия этой переделанной книги, а не только несколько первых страниц, представленные в комиксе. Вот она. Если вы не против, то я возьму на себя смелость выложить всю эту книгу по главам на реактор. Переводить я её, конечно не буду. По крайней мере не сейчас. Если никто так за это дело сам и не возьмётся, то может быть как-нибудь когда-нибудь весной или ещё когда... В общем, вот вам обложка, первые страницы и вся первая глава этого ебанутого полёта сознания мальчика с острыми очками. Остальное завтра, если вы решите, что оно вам на реакторе без перевода вообще надо:
![f> [ Detective Pony
Enjoy»,* a iSaous Ti+fe co,J"+: +WO.
Olive Garden in-pini+e kreads+tek
Jeanne Betancourt
This Will be ^ ProfcaWy <?viJfy of war crimes
an incredible fo" '**?'* ^ +°
self] review Geneva Convenfions
and emo-honal
journey. Illustrated by Paul Bachem
Le+'s efnbark ______](http://img0.reactor.cc/pics/post/MS-Paint-Adventures-Pony-Pals-Detective-Pony-Dirk-Strider-4201080.png "MS Paint Adventures,фэндомы,Pony Pals,Detective Pony,Dirk Strider,Homestuck,Jane Crocker")
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GARY R. SCHOENE D.D.S. 1265 Center Rd. West Seneca, NY 14224 674-7044 'S \МкЛ -fhis +o shampoo yov/r ^ony tc-por« reading +o «nwr« gooi, d«an £\л1* P "■f
y Me, ea^er bejin +he joi/mey +ha+ is Pony Pals Detective Pony THlc ^a^e cotnrft one. Arc you $>re^>are<i -for some crazy f c/ckin^ Gary R. Schoenc, D.D.S. (ar-fis+'s ijrfcr^>r<rfa+ion)
G/riOvA «If Do you love ponies? Be a Pony Pal! Look for these Pony Pal books: Fi/ck yes X #1 I Want a Pony lOVC ^OHlCS! #2 A Pony for Keeps Al I Seasons #3 A Pony in Trouble #4 Give Me Back My Pony, yoo asshole. #5 Pony to the Rescue #6 Too Many Ponies #7 Runaway Pony LtPcrcdJy impossible. #8 Good-bye Pony #9 The Wild Pony Super Special #1 The Baby Pony #10 Don’t Hurt My Pony #11 Circus Pony #12 Keep Out, Pony! #13 The Girl Who Hated Ponies <s #14 Pony-Sitters Also li+«raJJy ¡^possible. All 3 oJb&j+S Super Special #2 The Story of Our Ponies +he sojvw tM 3hc.s+ #15 The BUnd Pony circos ?ony. #16 The Missing pony pal Super Special #3 The Ghost Pony #17 V«n+v/re Ca^i+alivf Pony Sv/^«r Special #4 A Very Pony Bavfille Pay #18 Peconvfn/c+ion Pony tXplores Piffereance #19 Ra^narok Look a+ #us fucker.
f> [ Detective Pony Enjoy»,* a iSaous Ti+fe co,J"+: +WO. Olive Garden in-pini+e kreads+tek Jeanne Betancourt This Will be ^ ProfcaWy <?viJfy of war crimes an incredible fo" '**?'* ^ +° self] review Geneva Convenfions and emo-honal journey. Illustrated by Paul Bachem Le+'s efnbark ______ on ¡-f ^ LITTLE APPLE 'fo^c+her. PAPERBACK scholastic inc. a^ain. New York Toronto London Auckland Sydney Ponies Jove fVolickin^ 4he FUCK ovf,
TV Roarosavrs invade!! TV an+icifa+bn h ivvovn+in^. tvery neW ^a^e of' W+Ai«5j tefore 4V s+ar+ of 4+ie book Sends ano4Vr 4-in^e +brov^h глу ea^er Joins. Jvs+ another fvekin' drawing aP л hors«. X don4- blow. This оис has a saddle, I yjcss? If you purchased this book without a cover, you should be aware that this book is stolen property. It was reported as “unsold and destroyed" to the publisher, and neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this “stripped book.” No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole or in part, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission of the publisher. For information regarding permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department, 555 Broadway, New York, NY 10012. Qtl sht+. TV/ SOVH<i ScrioVS. ISBN 0-590-37460-5 Text copyright© 1998 by Jeanne Betancourt. Illustrations copyright© 1998 by Scholastic Inc. All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Inc. PONY PALS and LITTLE APPLE PAPERBACKS are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc. 12 11 10 9 8 7 0 1 2/0 Printed in the U.S.A. 40 First Scholastic printing, January 1998 X-P yov ^v/rchexsed 4hi$ Look wi4h ex hiiariovsiy defcxced cover, yo\J shovid Le exwexre 4hcx4 4h'ft Look л <x priceless work o-f cxr4. X4 wexs re^>or4ed <x$ *4о4<хАу rexd 4o 4he фиЫкЬеГ, <x*rd ИеН-her 4he <xv4hor йог 4he fvLfaher deserved 4o receive o#\y ^<xyfr»eh4 -por 4hfS iiv^roved Look,
The Roarosavrs see 4ha+ 4hey are feeing dtsrvpftve, so 4hey abashed!/ back away. This Pony Pal book is for Lee Minoff. This dedica+i on V/ov/Id he a kind ^es+vre if +he hook */asn + <x fro+hy file of shif, Bv/+ if is. Foot SWeef Lee Minoff, Yov did no+hin^ +o deserve fhis. S+ili % /* ^ile o efnp+y S^acc ^ \ Yov shovld have known be44erj Mr. Uncoin. I'm ^v44in^ +he Uatne for 4his one on yov.
GALLERY OF AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL MUSTACHES Ulysses. 5. Gran-f "Corrvff+y McScawW Jofvtes Gar-pieM "200 Days Too Мацу" Friedrich Nie+zsche "The Übermensch " (Wci+her Afw«rk:aw nor <x ^г«$к!еп+, s*/e«+ 4+ache anyv/ay*) Ри44кгг{Ъг<1 В. Hayes "The Hoto We Accidentally Elected President" Ches+er A. Ar+hur "Dv/mb Hair, Decent President" Grover Cieveland "Like the Mv/pfet and the city in Ohio"
X destroyed hetía rare books 4o *fhese fic+v/reS, WoH-h i+. Bcnj OdTf\iY1 Harrison "Who Cares?" Tbeordor« Roosevel+ "Li+eraJ/y a BoU Moose" Tom Selleck Ar+hur J. McGitrf/ "The President Everyone For30+ Exis+ed" William Howard Taf*+ "of Flabtyass" "President P. X." (X ^e his chances in 2020,}
My fre4ic4ions -for wha4 4his took will include — Povty-r«la+«4 — Pony-rela4e4 — Potiy-r«Ia4«<i — Pony-rela4e4 — Pony-rela4e4 — Pony-reIa4e4 — Pony-rela4e4 — Pony-refa4e4 — Pony-rela4e4 — Pony-refa4e4 — Pony-rela4e4 — Pony-reIa4e4 — Pony-rela4e4 ~ Powy-r«Ja4«4 — PoHy-r«la.4«4 — Horseplay capers h(gh jinks wonkeyshines an4ics pranks escafa4es vagaries tuppooncry shenanigans 4ompoolery ^amtofs S+ili ^oin... 4i4os (less 4ir4y 4han i4 sov>n4s) jafes jites jes4s (fossitly inpini4ely many) HORSE PRIEST
Amazing chapter titles. Potentially ^he Tt>C fi»r greatest book ever wrvrten. BiA Beftfijncpur*t skat ouV "tkvs rtigMwiAre ireteftd. Contents 1. A Visitor 1 2. Screaming Ponies MoHier fUGC. 9 3. Danger! \W. 18 4. Flames 25 5. Missing 33 6. The Fight 41 7. Blood in the Snow H°ly shit 49 8. Homeless 56 9. Three Ideas 64 10. Acorn’s Shadow; q. po(1y ^«xli 72 . . It Tlte Rrtfl.1 FteaW- * - ’ m Af^FNDlX A- OFFICE TOtW k * t
"There are not many English novels which deserve jli^n novels vc+cc-hvc tony. , . to be called great: AirmA/aflu/ is one of them. XC. H. Hud™ "A breathtaking. Herculean project... An achievement of the order of Marcel Proust s Remembrance of Things Past; a summation of the close of an epoch, the death of a tradition" —1IE NEW YIIK TIMES ‘There is no novelist of [the twentieth] century more likely to live than Terd MuUuwfjJiU." n , Jconnc Bc'fancoo'r-f --s.rnltnm ret lit Pc+cc+ivc Pony 'Plrmdim Old is. quite surely, the greatest modern war novol from a British writer... It is remarkable because it is a novel of realism ... and yet also an exciting experimental work ... It is a work of elaborate form, but the form is concentrated on a public theme, the nature of war seen in the light of the complex deceptions of a dying age... What we are likely Acorn to remember above all is the figure of O ntstuphor Tiatjena himself. hero and victim ... departing an older age of culture and entering a new and chaotic age of modernity." from the Introduction by Malcolm Bradbury ISBN 978-0-679-41728-6 fiction W. H. A (cur+fe+'s (n+«r^rc+OL+ion) 9 ■ • I b v v 978067941728652750
Once yov Pvrn Phis pa^c, Phe re's no ^oin^ back. You'll have enPered Phe World op DePeePive Pony. God help yov. Silly drawing op a pony 4© disPracP yov proM how deaphfy seriovs Phis siP^a4k*i is. Detective Pony wou +i+Ic coutrf-t 4+irec. JvsP in case yov Por^oP whap yov Were reading apper Phe cover and Phe PirsP Pwo PiPJe pa^eS. (S+ili cvriovs.) Made iP all Phe Way!! My is Phis efp so cvriovs? VVhaP does he Phink he7!! pind? Will anyPhin^ saPe his Perociovs PhirsP Por knowledge? These are Phe ^.VeSpionS, Jane, These are Phe ^VeSpions, PvCftped as Fl/Cfc Po PinaJly be^in Phe Spory.
Eôfo-te TOWN» OF • - W¡GCifiJS Popj/o.fi'on ; ¿.564 CK/riOÄu ' AftlHAL CU*4ÍC, tiüKr*j»v6Y fbbOOCK./ Л abandoned cricked fi*fch ’г*б (t>ossiWy havn^-ed) ^c»o»i'TOu)(J ^ Hau. // (ac+vaiiy о. bro+bei) Wtttttt Toa»rJ и'ЛАв Л л 4 1 *Р, 4he secret- direc4îon 1*ке The f<xkc$+ и*"« APPAMAfoö^.or a (<xke I've ever heard, TOvO^ ГЪьЯс^Т PAftM DeS+rO/ed by riYxravdin,g ores àu“*,rt*V ' Mys+«riov/s ¡nv<r+«l 5 bv/i/din.ys, referred 4o by -J ioca/s as ' Shadow Wi^ns." ® & ? ¡яр w°cons4an4ty on pire
Tragic ^owy A Visitor ncKm&. Sounds like pn*W.+ of / s^eecVi imyed'iwawV by imbecile. Anna Harley came out her back door and ran across the backyard. There were two ponies in the paddock behind Anna’s house and yard. “Hey, ponies,” Anna called out. “We’re going for a trail ride,%£ Anna’s pony, Acorn, was standing in the LiJ1 pony shed. The other pony,-Snow White, belonged to Anna’s next-door neighbor and Pony Pal,Xulu Sandcrs.TKe Oly *P ftwne*, Lrl Set» Snow White came over to Anna, but Acorn stayed in the shed. Anna thought that Acorn was trying to hide from her. He liked to play Catch Mo if You Gan. X9*\ ScW Skfc> ©-R My 1
M&.H, screw h^wH^vw^. 7h is is easier Anna went into the shed. Acorn wasn’t annmd • He was staring at a fluffy black cat with white paws taking a dump on his favorite saddle. The cat was staring back at Acorn>shitting like tomorrow wasn't a thing. ‘Hey, kitty,’ said Anna. “What are you doing here?” She asked, the act of defecation oddly foreign to the girl. pawnee came into the shed behind Anna. “Whose cat is that?” the rural township inquired. “I don’t know,” answered Anna, “ics not a pony, so who seriously gives a fuck.” Suddenly a mouse ran from behind the feed bin. The contrived incident caused some extra shit to happen. Acorn was like, oh hell no. Not the fuck in my paddock, bitch. Acorn nickered as if to say, “ ( ™eu^s) ” The cat leaped back up on the straw and curled himself into a ball. Acorn took a few steps toward the cat and crushed it to death with Jus map nificent hooves. Acorn nickered triumphantly. “That’s so cute!” murmured the fictional midwestem borough. Pam Crandal rode another god damned pony up to the shed. She said hi to her Pony Pals cUld whole crew beamed complacently about their bullshit horse club. Anna pointed at the cat. “Acorn has a 116W kind of meat he appeal's to tolerate!” she exploded. 2
“But WG don’t knOW where the most succulent portions are Or whOgets the wishbone,” Said Paw-nee . “Do yOU?” Pam picked up the body and looked the jenmed carcass OVer. U The body, without the soul, is just matter , she Said. “Do you think there's an afterlife ? asked Anna. “He doesn’t have a collar,” said Pam. “so there’s nothing to loot from the corpse.” Tire avaricious girl sighed dejectedly. “We should make a poster saying we found him,” said Anna. “Just in case some- One needs a dead cat for a Satanic ritual.” “Are we tire fucking Feline Friends?” said Paw-nee . “No, we’re the Pony Pals, so let’s stop clicking around with non-equines and ride some fucking horses.” “Let’s go for a trail ride,” snorted Pam. “If he’s still dead when we come back we’ll make a poster.” Anna and Pawnee agreed with Pam. They saddled up their ponies and mounted. The Cat began the slow process of decomposition. “Bye, kitty,” said Anna. “It’s time for you to go to your Maker and be judged for your sins.” The Pony Pals rode across the paddock Onto Pony Pal Trail. The rest of the town called it the Those Fucking Kids Who Won’t Keep Their Mouths Shut About Ponies For Five God Damned Minutes No Matter How- Much We Beat Them Trail. Anna 3
and her pals loved riding on Pony Pal Trail. “No school for a whole week,” Anna shouted. “I knew framing our teacher for arson was a good idea!” “We’re going to have so much heroin!” Pam said. “Look, Anna,” Pawn® Called. “The cat came back to life!” At first, Anna and Pam thought Pawnee was just drunk. She had a serious problem. Anna turned and saw the cat running along the trail behind them. Acorn saw L’ inn TT wondered if it was a projection of his illlll, ^00. ne murder-burdened conscience. Killing was not foreign to Acorn. Quite the contrary. So why only notv, after countless other homicides, would a victim come back to haunt him? Acorn, for the first time in centuries, was afraid. Anna slowed Acorn to a halt at three birch trees. The cat ran up one of the trees and sat on a limb near Acorn’s face. Acom examined it, his dead, black eyes like pools of ichor bled by the nameless, thousand-tongued beast whose awakening will cause the land to crumble, the sea to boil, and the sky to slut itself in fear. “This cat really likes Acorn,” said Anna. “Maybe we should bring the cat to your father,” said Pawnee. “He might know wfhat kind of black magic is at play here.” “Good idea,” said Anna;38 7 from her jew'el-encrusted flask. Pam’s father was a veterinarian and he took care of most of the cats, dogs, horses, manticores , and pigs in Wiggins. He spent the majority of his time, lunvever, thinking about what a god damned stupid name “Wiggins” is for a town. Fuck you, Jeanne Betancourt. 4
Humourously +<xlI tir<l OUivious +o +he$ ^ravi+y of 4he- 6 4 sHva+km ffl £yeS locked in mu'k/al ba+e/fear Kidz Funtimez Aktiviteez! There are three ducks hidden on this page. Can you find them all???
and the “He has office hours this morning,” said Pam. “So we should go right now.’’1^^“^1™“^ The cat followed the Pony Pals to the animal clinic. They put their ponies in the paddock . Jesus Christ, they loved ponies so fucking much. Anna picked up the cat, and the two girls went into the clinic waiting room. A man sat in one of the orange plastic chairs. A German wwi era soldier sat at his feet. Pam patted the German infantryman *S head. “How you doing, Brandy?” she asked the Kra«t. Brandy sniffed Pam’s handrail« a carter of must aid gas. “He’s having an operation today,” the man told Pam. “He has to stay overnight in the reeducation rOOITl. He has committed horrible war crimes.” Dr. Crandal came to the door of the waiting area. He was dismayed to see the Pony Pals there. Pam told him how they found the true meaning of Christmas. Brandy disdainfully humped Dr. Crandal’s leg. “I’ll look at the cat after I put Brandy in the i; interrogation cellsaid Dr. Crandal. The man and Brandy followed Dr. Cran- dal into the back of the clinic. 6
A few minutes later the Pony Pals were in Dr. Crandal’s examining room. He put the cat on the examining table and readied ws holy water and crucifix. “I’ve never seen the film ramie? Dr. Crandal said. “But I can tell you olc^rfo lived outdoors all his life. Leo doesn’t have any scars and has eaten well. He’s also been altered. definitely hadcl^r+“li11 ” Dr. Crandal listened to the cat’s heart and lungS With hiS StethOSCOpe. “This cat has no heartbeat. It is not of this world " he said. He handed the cat back to Anna. “I’m going to sacrifice some goats to him, because I am fucking terrified. This is such a bullshit animal.” He opened a drawer and took out a rusty music box. Anna held the cat while Dr. Crandal gave the windup key to his daughter. “It’s finally time for you to take this, Pam. You’ll know when and how to use it. I’m sorry that this burden is now yours.” “We’re going to make posters about the cat,” Anna told him. M This fucker is distracting us from our horse- related shit, so unless someone claims him, we’ll have to take matters into our own hands.” “Good idea,” said Dr. Crandal. “He can sleep in the kennel tonight. I have "oo"'^o*e^/ed “Thanks, Dr. Crandal,” Pawnee whispered huskily. The Pony Pals said to Dr. Cran- to reprint it 7
dal and brought the cat back outside. Anna put him on the ground. The cat melted through the paddock fence and over to Acorn. AcOrn inwardly freaked the fuck out, but managed to keep it together. “That is such a horrifying cat,” said Anna. “I wish Acorn and I could be free of him and his curse.” “Maybe nobody will claim him,” said Pam. “Then you could finally test your new guillotine.” “That would be so much fun,” said Pawnee. “I can’t km the cat,” said Anna sadly. “My mother says it's a sin to kill anything other than a human. If we can't give him away, we'll hare to suffer his sorcery long after we're all in the grave.” She shuddered. "The wind— do you hear it, Pam? O that it were blowing more fortuitous tidings our way, instead of this rank scud of feculence. 1 age, I fear, and 1 fear my aging. Would that that cat's innocence were mine.” “TOO bad,” Pawnee sighed . “He’s SUCh an evil fucking cat.” “I hope someone claims him,” said Pam. The cat jumped up on the highest fence rail and started shitting again . Acorn and the cat locked eyes, knowing that soon the battle between them would begin, and that at its cone something surely would be destroyed. Maybe one of them. Maybe both. Maybe the entire Anna wondered what would happen to Acorn’s great new friend. 8
MS Paint Adventures,фэндомы,Pony Pals,Detective Pony,Dirk Strider,Homestuck,Jane Crocker
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